The coming out process is never ending because GLBT individuals are usually not easily identifiable. Thus, when they encounter new people they are faced with the daunting task of trying to figure out if this new person(s) is safe enough to accept the GLBT individual. In short, the GLBT individual is always in a state of evaluation of self, always in a state of wondering if they will be accepted or not, always in a state of anxiety about how people are going to react to them, always in a state of coming out.

Over 2010, GLBT individuals, especially teens have chosen to take their own lives partly due to this ever daunting task before them coupled with fear they won’t be accepted and often reinforced by the fact that when they look out into the sea of people they rarely see positive reflections of their core self.

Photo By John Walker

One explanation for why it is difficult for you at this stage in your marriage, is that you and your partner progressed from the honeymoon stage where you mostly focus on similarities, and are now entering the next stage of marriage, where you start being aware of differences.

• Some couples are stuck in this stage and have difficulties holding own perspective and at the same time validate the others different perspective.

To fully understand each other’s different perspectives on an important issue that you are arguing about, you need to be able to talk about your main concern without blaming your partner. Similarly, when your partner listens to your main concern without taking it personally and reacting defensively, you are both on the right path to a more fulfilling relationship.

1.      Choose a good time for both of you to sit down together

2.      Choose one topic to talk about at the time

3.      Stick to your topic and be specific

4.      Do not interrupt your partner. Hear each other out before you talk

5.      Practice active listening, recap and ask questions till you understand fully

6.      Ask your partner if your recap was accurate.

7.      If you are having trouble, stop, calm yourself and think about why it is important for you to have this talk!

1.      How can you avoid blaming, be respectful and still be honest about how you feel and think?

2.      How can you best respond to disrespectful remarks?

3.      What way would be the best to invite you partner to be honest and open with you?

4.      How can you ensure that you do not start a fight?

Share your answers here on our blog – we love comments and questions!

Leave a comment in the box! I will check in periodically and answer all questions!

Irene Hansen Savarese

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and

Mental Health Counselor @ A. Lewis & Associates P.A.

Need an appointment – call (954) 776-0406 – we are caring professionals dedicated to helping you deal with your issues.